Thursday, March 26, 2009

thoughts of the rainy day.

yesterday I had had it. frustration filled my whole body, i was on the verge of tears a lot of the day and last night was the last straw.. Satan was taking my "comfort zones" and making me hate them, of course. of course he would not let me keep my youth group, of course he would turn those grounds into a worry field, a place of distress and fear.

Why should i expect any less? i shouldnt. no one should.

Last night was one of those times where i didn't want to pray outloud with everyone, i didnt want to share the amazing, phenominal things God had been teaching me, and i felt complelty closed off with my thoughts scattered.. of course that would be the day when im singled out in all of those areas. All i wanted was to talk to God alone. I wanted to get some things straight with God alone before I talked about it... but.. I talked and felt dumb, unkept, distressed and alone.

However uncomfortable it was it was okay this morning because on this rainy day my devotion was talking about God always being with me. Everyone has those days, those feelings but today was my turn for God to remind me of his forever hugging arms.

mmm, the rain tasted good. Neverminding the humidity everywhere i went just felt fresh ish to me, however icky it appeared. It wasnt cold, it was rainy, but it wasnt cold. because i turned off the temp. system in my room and just took the natural temperature from outside, i just listened to the rain, prayed, hummed, thought and slept a deep lovely sleep for about five hours.

some would call that a waste of time, i would call that the lovely grace of God.

alone time with the Father.
p.t. ? maybe
courts hair.
papers, projects, math, espanol (YUCK)
library stopp
im sure more awaits. more always does.

Prayer requests:
-family/friend sickness
-Mr. Carlson
-college friends
-cell groups
-confidence, perserverence

Sunday, March 22, 2009

this sunday.

this sunday Mark Miller got up and talked about perserverance.
this sunday Dan Seaman got up and talked about what a christian should look like.
this sunday God connected a bunch in my life together into a single picture.
that single picture was my life in God's hands.

It was a phenominal day with a different twist.. my brain was shifted into overload. I don't know where I am headed but I know people will know I am a christian through my perserverance.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

strings in the right hands.

I have this amazing skill of doing a lot of things. I don't do a lot of things in an orderly fashion really.. I just do them all around the same time. My school, my sports, movies, eating, money spending. It's phenominal because I can do all these things at one time but I can only do them all up to a certian point and then the next thing im doing pulls me in that direction. its like I am a puppet tied up with strings and one end of each string is tied to me and one end it tied to a certain thing that I try and accomplish, yet all of these things are in different directons.. so I finally crawl up my string enough to get close to accomplishing one thing and then the weight on another thing is so heavy it pulls me towards it which I don't ever accomplish either.

Its funny when you think about those scary puppets.. the ones that are tide up with strings like.. on pinnochio.. the only way they work right is if all the strings are facing upwards so that the one who made the puppet can move that puppet where it's supposed to go. I want my strings to face upward but in doing that it takes full submission... something that I am striving for daily. I'm tellin ya.. its harder then it looks for one of those puppets :]

Does God want me to dance for him? Does God want me to play basketball for him? Does God want me to continue to act for him? Does God want me to clean sewers for him? Whatever he chooses for me to do, I will do it in full submission, and when I do I won't just be mediocre at the task, I will be phenominal. Thats what happens when all our strings are in the hands of the creator.
Today I must do my devotions, run (yes.. I think I can, I think I can), accomplish the schoolwork planned out for my day, wash laundry (I find if I wash and fold laundry pretending I am some Cindarella or romantic mother, it goes so much faster and sweeter), go to tap (ha), eat lunch with Jessie and Anna :] and probably shoot 100 shots. The schedule arises and burst with stuff. Summer is going to be so good. So free, warm, and God filled (not that winter isnt of course, God fills every season.. but summer and spring, you can just feel the life he has created) I'm ready.
God Bless,

Sunday, March 15, 2009

with a bunch of phenoms.

this weekend slash week has taught me so.. much. As stressful as it was to spend my every waking moment with a bunch of emotional girls (me being the queen of emotions), and as stressful as it was to play horrible in a tournament we did so weel in, and as stressful as it was to be frustrated but feel like there was no time to turn and talk to the Father because I was rushed from one thing to the next; as stressful as all that was.. so much good came out of it and God blessed me so very much with many lessons and times of thanksgiving.

we came in second of the seconds.. such a confusing term that i do not feel like describing in depth. As each tear of sadness was dropped this week/weekend i realized God still was there smiling at me with open arms.

Jessica Lyndon performed magically as usual and encouraged myself along with a great crowd of people with her outreach and message. I must NOT let the fact go by without mentioning that John, Daniel, and Dustin also were amazing and powerful. Jess Ray will never cease to encourage me in my walk with the Lord, she'll never cease to encourage thousands of walks with the Lord.

(p.s. i googled jessica lyndon ray and its really fun to google someone and see pictures of them on google.. completley stalkerish but if i really wanted to look at pictures of jess ray.. i could just go look on my colorful bulliten board.. i just think its cool she is on google.. :])

Friendship. Praise. and Joy.
Courtney. Rebecca. and Anna.
Three captains, three devotions, three ways the Lord spoke to me through my friend's words.

powerful devotions I must say, i could blog on and on about the pure words that were said in these three devotions but the blinking clock keeps reminding me its almost two in the morning and i still have school to do and devotions very early in the morning. and PLENTY to do tomorrow. math, work, pointe, mime, two hours of ballet.

i must stop thinking i miss storm.. starting... NOW.

Praising him through the storm,

Monday, March 2, 2009

the snow in march brings time to write.

as I sit here with the knowledge that I must do some school, snow or not, with the sweet voice of John Legend blaring in my ears, I can't stop the tornados of thoughts twisting around in my mind.

I hurt my shoulder and it sends pain in and out of my arm constantly without rest. I played a tournament with my team this weekend and I was faced with the reality of what my next year will probably bring. I got into new arguments and got out of old ones. I talked to friends whom at one point in life I thought I would never talk to again. I was RE-excited about Cambodia and I just can't wait to share the love of Christ there..

somtimes I feel like im dry here, like I have nothing new to share to anyone here besides love and forgiveness. But, its the same lone and forgiveness I ALWAYS give out and ALWAYS ask to receive. I need God. and I wish all this drama would PAUSE and I could just sit and be joyful with the Lord.

It's snowing in March, but its supposed to be 70 on saturday? I have three birthdays this week, my music has now switched to owl city, I have to set up one basket and one care package this week, I have to complete a lot of spanish and science before this day ceases to exist, I must smile and think about all I have been blessed with. I am so spoiled. I have to clean my room, convince my parents to finally move, learn to love mollie, learn to show love to people that I think dont deserve it (since when is that my decision anyways?!) I must work on thank you notes for Cambodia, and i have to now get avril lavigne OUT of my ears.

Peace out.