you can't rely on them. you really can't and its not fair to them either. you are asking to much for them to be reliable. it's not in their power to be reliable. and when you make it your mindset to think that it is.. you set yourself and them up for failure. i learned that today. i think it's a good refresher.
friday- Andrew graduated (: / quequeque secret santa! (WICKED TICKETS!) / beat lighthouse saturday- amazing win (7-0) / chill with pops and twin / BLAST with Trish / cousins! sunday- cousins / finished up on shopping / DRAFT (soo fun!) monday- office work / naps (cause i have a terrible cold) / wrapping / cousins tonight? tomorrow- cousins probably.
1. I am done with all Christmas preparation besides wrapping. 2. I downloaded Mozilla Firefox. I like it better. 3. I need to send some pictures to Target.. and buy three more frames.. 4. so I guess that crosses out number one.. 5. I like my upward teams and so far I loooove being a commissioner. 6. Rebecca just reminded me of how many people I am going to miss next year when I go to college. How many people I see almost every day. How many people I talk to almost everyday. How many people actually helped shape me into who I am today.. 7. It hurts my heart. boo. 8. summer, come quickly? 9. on a weirder / happier note... it's almost Christmas! and.. it doesn't feel like it.
I knew I loved him. Everyone hated him in the first one.. but he was my favorite character. Dan used Edmund and really Chronicles of Narnia as an example today.. and I need it. I really neeeeeeded it, to slap me in the face.
Set up: Scene where Pevensies are at battle grounds with Aslan and army and White Witch is carried up to Aslan. She announces to Aslan that Edmund was a traitor and that according to the law, all traitors belonged to her. She was to kill him and take his blood on the stone table the following day... as we all know, just as Jesus Christ took the punishment for our sins, Aslan took Edmunds punishment for him as well. BUT that's not what yelled at me from the screen. As the White Witch announces she is going to kill Edmund, Peter, being the protective brother, pulls out his sword and "dares" the queen to take Edmund. The White Witch scoffs at Peter, telling him that his power can't deny her her right to Edmund's blood and before she turns back to Aslan, she looks at Peter in the eyes and smirkingly remarks, "little king." She totally belittled Peter and his power but made a point. Edmund had made his choice, he was a traitor and he had provided the witch with all the power she needed to take his life. Peter was no match for the powerful witch and she had no problem letting him know that he was nothing compared to her.
Here is why this stood out to me: we are nothing. we cant find Satan on our own.. even if we fling our swords in his face.. without the King.. we are nothing. You see.. fear was all over Edmunds face because he knew what the witch was capable of. He knew her power but when he escaped the witch he also knew that Aslan was far greater so instead of staying near the witch and threatening to fight her, he went to Aslan to apologize and hide behind his great mane. Edmund knew he was nothing without the King of Narnia, whom loved him dearly and wanted nothing but to protect his prince.
I can relate to Edmund, like we all can. Satan puts things in our face that look "nice" and then we go for it and sin.. falling under the power and guidance of the Devil. But if we have the somewhat prideful attitude of Peter, Satan will just look at us and scoff, "little king." But if we realize like Edmund that without God we are nothing... that's when God's power can take over our lives and we are able to fight off the enemy.
Lately, i've been struggling. I'm just not happy. I dont feel comfortable anywhere, boys, friends, school, basketball, youth group, church, camp, everything. It's all so become so hard. Life itself is just so difficult. But I realized something tonight. I have been having the spirit of Peter. Trying to fight of the "Witch" on my own, and right when I try to fight one battle, the words scar my heart, "little king," and Satan shows his power by throwing another boulder on my shoulders.. but if I just had the spirit of Edmund. If i just hid in His mane. God would gladly help me. He would gladly fight for me. He wants me happy. He wants me. I need that spirit. I need to be humbled. It will become my daily prayer that I hide in the safe mane of the King lion.
I must admit. I'm pretty sure I keep mentioning this to a lot of people.. but I have felt out of place and miserable cause I feel like I am not a part of my team. The team I have been a part of every year of highschool. The Storm. But tonight.. Aaron put his ankle brace on barbie and he told me it was me.. and I dont know what it was.. I really dont.. its sorta ridiculous if I say it out loud.. but it made me really happy. It made my entire day in fact and for some odd.. strange.. reason.. it made me realize that if I work really hard.. I can play at the tournament and up until now it's been a selfish, stubborn decesion saying that I WILL play for that tournament.. but now I know that if I ice it, do the workouts Pops has so graciously decided to help me with, and rest it.. it will all be okay and I will be back with my team in no time. haha this is so funny to me.. it's just so funny that this little thing that Aaron did made me so happy and gave me peace. But God uses everything... setting up for the awards ceremony tomorrow, hearing the checklist, getting jobs, getting the honor of being asked to be the 1st and 2nd grade commisioner... it all gave me peace and also reminded me of two more things : old times and summer. Man oh man, Anna, Court, Becs and I used to be at that gym the night before awards night until about midnight and would have to reappear the next morning at about 8 and stay until about 9ish at night.. BIG BANG was one of the things we looked forward to and it was so much fun when it came time for it every season! and tonight.. reminded me of that. Also, setting up those chairs reminded court and I of summers when we were CITs and the chairs were what the "cool" ones did. Anna, John, Cal, Court, Ryan, Eric, Bec, and I were ALWAYS the CITs to stand up to do it and those times were so fun. I MISS THOSE TIMES!
alrighty, i realize my blog has become a checklist.. but i really like lists and they keep me organized. PLUS i really need to go on a date with God. You would think that my broken ankle would give me the oppertunity to sit and have nothing to do but read but.. thats not true. i am NOT resting like i should. UGHHHHHHHHHHHH. I will be ready however for the new years tourney cause i frankly wont be able to sit through it without my whole uniform on and expectation to play with my team.
being 18 is difficult. oh man! getting old is difficult! and im not.. actually sure i like it...
tomorrow i have my last final and i have two midterms next week.
i have to turn in two applications tomorrow.
i have to finish all my schoolwork so i can concentrate on studying.
no more shopping. christmas or no christmas.
i have to have atleast 4 loads of laundry completed because this is just ridiculous.
i HAVE TO GO ON THAT DATE. my body, soul, heart needs it.
i will go to bed early to rest my ankle. i will not hang out with a lot of my friends.. even if they are all hanging out. ugh. i hate those words. but i will do it. i will i will i will.
If you think about it, i really need prayer. Satan knows how to distract me and i dont want to be distracted or bothered by so many things. and thats that. Also, little Evelyn-Grace has a really bad ear infection that has been a huge problem for weeks and she's so sick and she keeps getting sick and she's just a baby.
also my dear friend Ashley has a sick dog. Her dog is her baby and I know that God will take and has taken every situation in Ashleys life into his own hands but I really want her to know that and I want God's peace to surround her entire being. I love her and God loves her and I know her dog will be fine. So please pray for that situation. I know my Father has healing powers and I know He can heal whatever He wants to. So God, I pray you heal little Noah. Jessie told me to start thanking God for healing my ankle and that... really was a big deal to me. I DO need to thank God for healing my ankle.. cause I am expecting it to be better by New Years so a long with my prayers of expectation I need to thank God for the healing I expect. I think we should pray for every situation in this way. Thank God for the answer to your prayers.
also wedding photography is my new "obsession." I look at it every time I am bored. OH MY GOSH. worst thing to look at when you are bored.
this is a picture that i took yesterday and i love it because i love my brother.
my brother failed the concussion test at the doctor so... it si confirmed that he could have died playing soccer at youth group.. thats a big deal and it makes me more thankful for my amazing brother whom i love.
it's almost Christmas so that means lots to do. unfortunatley this christmas also entails healing of my super swollen, sprained? something ankle, that has a boot. its a boot and its a big boot and i hate it. i have to sit and watch practice now and i am out for 6 weeks :/ so.. that sucks but it wont bring my holiday shopping or spirit down! i have several people done and several people not done. the end.
It is 2:31 A.M. and I am almost done. My forever long paper is done, my notecards are 5 away from being done, all spanish besides studying is done. Just basically have to do a history chapter. one more hour? 1 1/2? I hope so. I had to look at something besides stories about kidnappings and massacres... Doing notecards on that stuff makes me sick. I quickly took a five minute break to just simply go on each close friends facebook and look at their profile pictures. It made me feel better, but nothing made me feel as good as opening the Word to Joshua 1:9.
The Lord Jesus Christ is my everything. I have a desire to let everyone know about him and have the oppertunity to grow close in his loving arms. I believe that he gave me certain talents to use in reaching the lost and I can't wait to see how God uses me in his already written story.