I want to act so, so, so bad.
God allows that want to burn in my daily.
why?

SO, so bad.

12-1 notttt toooo shabby.
I just sent a really hard email to send... hate those.
I have a 7-10 page paper to write before tomorrow at 9:30.. yay... haha
The less classes you have, the more you procrastinate.. its very, very true.
I might sleep in my jersey.. gross? i mean. yeah.
I can't wait till summer.

oh, and.. ski retreat this weekend! woop!

park group.

sometimes I am such a debbie downer! sometimes, wherever I am: in the car, in my bed, on a walk, in the gym, in class, in the kitchen: wherever and I just ask, "why." I feel like that is a reoccurring question and I wish it wasn't. I mean talk about your wa waaaa's. But there is.. some news. The God of the Universe is always, ALWAYS, looking out for me. A lot of the time.. it doesn't feel like it. I get that feeling of, "come on. can't you just.. be here and HELP me." But God is always there. HE is always there. He knows and if I could just remember that. Just remember that He has it under control. Remember that he left the Holy Spirit to help guide me.. I would just be okay.

I don't want to be a debb. And God doesn't want me to be a debb either.

there are a couple of things I must take care of:
. email Dan
. write a history paper
. spanish spanish freaking spanish
. history lesson
. plan practices for the week
. read four chapters in my book.
. laundry

I was reminded today that I don't need a bomb to go off and have my life unexpectedly saved. I don't need to run on glass barefoot in a crisis and not bleed at all. I already know.. I already know God is there. God could use my story to help remind someone of that. God could use me to change someones life.. and I may never know it. Isn't that special?

mm. lighthouse tonight. wooh.

praying for sam and cat.

phew. I have a lot to accomplish before Wednesday.

Tomorrow and Tuesday I must get up at 6 and work until 2:30 both days.
I have to finish my final college application for Regent (God sorta.. threw that one in there)
I have to find all my note cards... and if I don't find them.. I have to re-do them. -_-
I have to write a devotion.. don't even talk to me about that.
I have to do a lot of Spanish..

and Upward starts tomorrow.. so I start off my season with three of my practices tomorrow night at 5.

on Tuesday, we have one of our biggest games of the season against the best homeschool team in the state.. until Tuesday.. pray for that!

I woke up this morning and it felt so fresh and fantastic and WARM and now.. its gray and rainy and making me veryyyy sleepy.. but at least its not cold.. and Stephen fixed my backspace key! it now just makes a loud noise!

**two featured pics because #2: its almost the ski retreat.. #1: i miss john and caleb.

do i know what i am doing? nope.
am i trusting that God is in control? yes.
ok. ok D. do it. jump in.

ohhh goodness.

and did i mention.... my backspace button doesnt work... that is very frustrating.

new times.

today is going to be a busy day.. i might even attempt an all nighter if needed..

upward- upward starts next week and i've been hustling to plan all the teams practices and even figure out what teams i am coaching... i head coach two teams and am the assistant coach of uh...
(one kindergarten boys team w/ court)
(one 1-2 boys team.. mine)
(one 3-4 boys team w/ stephen)
(one 5-6 boys team w/ sean)
(one 7-9 boys team w/ andrew)
(one 5-6 girls team w/ aaron)
(one 3-4 girls team w/ jim)
(one 7-9 girls team.. mine)
and im the first and second grade commissioner..
so i will have my hands quite full with names, schedules, emails, and plans starting next week.. i love those kids :)

school- two classes. i only have two classes since i am working so much this LAST semester of high school and yet and i am being so super lazy... God doesnt call us to be lazy.. so im starting to buckle down and end this school year strongly!

storm- yes. we are 10-0. and yes that would be awesome if we worked this hard.. struggled all previous 3 years and became undefeated.. that would be awesome. the team is awesome.. i am pretty dang close to every player on the team.. and i love that. we play the best homeschool team in the state on tuesday.. biggggg game. so pray for that, our teams injuries, NO sickness, and that we just all play to the best of our ability.. cause i am POSITIVE if each player played the best to their ability.. there is no WAY we would lose.

college- ugh. i dont know. i dont knowwww! Regent or Liberty now I think.. I think my heart has ruled out UNCSA... just trying to cling on to the word and listen to what God wants for me there cause... i see some sort of finish line.. i just dont see the correct race i am supposed to be in to get there!

ski retreat is almost here. i love that trippp

Deak

Holy Spirit take over my life.

game tomorrow
laundry
homework
clean, organized room

that's tomorrow (that I know of..)

sometimes lists help me concentrate.

update

I appreciate little conversations with people that I dont often get the chance to talk to.. such as John Ray, Bryant Lovette, Aaron Miller, and Daniel Faucette.

There are people that I see constantly, and know! just.... dont really talk to besides the walking by head nod. But those little times that I get like 5 minute conversations that would seem like they would be awkward cause we dont talk all the time.. but they arent.. those are good.

Storm is 9-0 :] I honestly dont know if I will ever play full out okay ever again.. but it's okay cause it's amazing to just have the opportunity to be in this team. this is a good team. good girls. good talent. hard workers. We beat RCA for their homecoming.. and so that was a fantastic feeling!

The medication I am on causes me.. problems.. I have mental reactions and I do things that sadly I dont remember but all of my friends do.. and my reactions are super slow.. so.. anything that takes quick thinking is difficult.. haha.. try playing a fast paced ball game when it looks like they are all moving in slow motion!

I have realized that as much as I used to hate to encourage.. it's become somewhat my role... oh how God turns things.

I have learned a lot these past few days... I got a new Bible... that actually has a lot to do with it. These past few weeks I have been discouraged to read a Bible that drops pages every time I open it. I sureee love my new one!

mini-Lifted was tonight and I could not be prouder of Catherine Walker. God is amazing.


.lots of school
.more laundry
.more cleaning

.more decision making.

oh and announcement:
talking to andrew and aaron miller when i am half asleep makes me happy.
listening to Jess, Sam, and Cat sing.. makes me happy.
playing ERS for like what seems like hours.. makes me happy.
winning 9 games in a row makes me happy.
my baby sister moving a chair next to her little friends is cute and makes me happy.
cambodia makes me happy.
going to cookout with matthew, josh, chris, and pops.. that makes me happy.
going to moes with pops and shel makes me happy.
going to the mall and los tres with steph, gee, and whitter makes me happy.


I am truly thankful for those things.

Job 38 & 39

A Tornado

that is how I feel... every thought whimpers in the whipping wind as it spins around a long with the dust of disaster and loss. Sometimes I get stuck and stubborn. Where I just dont want to move.. or grab the hand that reaches from the heavens..

I am hurt.. something is wrong with my neck/knee/ankle/shoulders... and I have had several doctors tell me I CANT play. CANT. ha. I can. I can play.. and I still am gonna... but this year.. isn't turning out as expected. Everywhere I turn there is a problem. Someone close to me said that they think God is preparing me for something big. I want to believe that! I do believe that. It's just difficult to remember when you are the one that is in the dark.

TRUST. that is a hard word. TRUST. trust. I don't like it.. I don't trust many things... or people. But that's okay because we arent supposed to but our trust in people anyways... but... when you train yourself to not trust, you pick up bad habits and start to not trust anyone.. or even God. Something to realize is to not live by the statement, "trust no one." but, "trust only the One."

I long for summer a lot. but.. what does God have for me this winter? cause first, I thought I didnt care.... and then I thought I knew and now... I have no idea. I dont know why I am hurt, I dont know why some friends are here and some arent, I dont know why I am doing so much upward, I dont know why school is seeming like a huge load when I just have two classes, I dont know why I cant decide where to school when I WAS sure, I dont know why I am a storm captain, I dont know why I am learning what I am and where to apply it.


But someone else knows... God knows...

Before the throne of God above
I have a strong, a perfect plea:
A great High Priest, whose name is Love,
Who ever lives and pleads for me.

My name is graven on his hands,
My name is written on his heart;
I know that while in heaven he stands
No tongue can bid me thence depart
No tongue can bid me thence depart.

When Satan tempts me to despair,
And tells me of the guilt within,
Upward I look, and see him there
Who made an end of all my sin.

Because a sinless Savior died,
My sinful soul is counted free;
For God, the Just, is satisfied
To look on Him and pardon me
To look on Him and pardon me

Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Praise the One,
Risen Son of God!

Behold him there, the risen Lamb
My perfect, spotless righteousness,
The great unchangeable I AM,
The King of glory and of grace!

One in himself, I cannot die
My soul is purchased by his blood
My life is hid with Christ on high,
With Christ, my Savior and my God
With Christ, my Savior and my God

Shane And Shane -- Before The Throne Of God

--------------------------------
.homework
.budget
.laundry
.clean
.extra sleep



Deak

skype.

[11:14:32 PM] Andrew: well
[11:14:34 PM] Andrew: you see
[11:14:39 PM] Andrew: when a girl grows up
[11:14:41 PM] Andrew: she goes through
[11:14:43 PM] Andrew: ...
[11:14:44 PM] Andrew: changes
[11:14:48 PM] Andrew: and a boy does as well
[11:14:48 PM] Andrew: and then
[11:14:51 PM] Andrew: chaos
[11:14:52 PM] Andrew: the
[11:14:53 PM] Andrew: end

___________________________________________

"God never takes a break.. He's not tired from watching too many football games. He didnt forget His plan or yours, that was never put on hold because of "break"" - Dan Seaman

He doesnt take a break, ever. Even if our minds... do... shame on me for taking not advantage of "break"
shame on me for forgetting that there is no "break" from carrying out God's plan. Shame on me.
break gave me even more opportunities and I wasted it.

p.s. God blessed me with my youth group. thanks, God (:

_____________________________________________

tomorrow everything starts back.

-bank
-grocery store
-apt.
-Christian Book Store
-practice
-room
-homework
-4 loads
-head start on paper

why yes that is what i need to accomplish tomorrow, why yes i am sharing it.

2010.

so far this New Year has been fantastic.. it opened up and Chris's house while a group of some of my favorite people jammed into the tv room with kazoos in hand... super fun... says one of the ones that didnt receive a headache from the incessant kazoo blowing.

before the kazoos we had spent hours being random. we started off the night with Bunco before splitting up into separate games... after bunco, i ventured to some pool, and then catch phrase, and then (pause) watch some of the horrible Tennessee game, then poker, and finally the kazoos. it was a fantastic way to bring in the new year. (compared to last year when i broke shelley and davids window with my palm... impressive? no.)

the party was fantastic and made me excited for all the parties and events that will take place this year... on New Years day.. i went to the Brewery to watch Jess Ray and the Rag Tag Army, with a ton of AWESOME people and they were simply incredible.

it was such a fun time, with amazing people and when Jessie and Sam were up there.. amazing music :p

what do i want for this year? that's actually pretty easy. i dont like to waste time and i dont like to get distracted.. although that happens quite easily. i really am not going to waste this year.. not that i wasted the others.. but this year, i dont need goals.. the only thing i need is Jesus and realizing that is half the battle.

i graduate, i go to college, i work at camp, last year of LIFE, last year of youth group, last year of upward and highschool and storm.. last year of "comfort" ... i can do it (: not alone.. but i can do it. a little scared.. yes.. but i can do it!

this year has consisted of the most diverse experiences of my life...
some of you know.. some of you dont, but all in all.. this year has been amazing and i was blessed in major ways.
it's been tough.. very tough.. but amazing.
i was going to make a collage of all the events but i realized.. simply tooo many :)

.photo shoots
.birthday parties (surprise and planned)
.football games
.CAMBODIA
.end of junior year, beginning of senior
.storm
.liberty tourney
.college visits
.plays
.nutcracker
.charlie brown
.beach trips
.beach retreat
.high school hangouts
.early week
.last teen week
.work week
.jane austin night!
.christmas / new years parties
.amazing youth groups
.kkk
.app. trip!
.pour house
.movies
.ultimate frisbee games
.halloween party!
.zzooooo trip (polar bears)
.fair!
. and many, many other things